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Roll 01 How this started
End of July, 2021. A radio suite at the BBC. I was recording voiceovers for a travel documentary about Wales and I could not, for the life of me, work the desk.
You were sitting nearby, engrossed in something or another. When we asked for your help, you came in and sorted it in about two minutes.
Afterwards I went down to the canteen and bought you a chocolate bar to say thank you. Dark chocolate. Which I now know, five years later, you don't like. Basic palate init.
You thanked me anyway. And then we left.
That's the whole thing, really. I've been getting things about you slightly wrong since the day we met, and you've been thanking me for it ever since.
RUNNING SINCE DAY ONE
Counting at 25 frames a second from the end of July 2021. It hasn't stopped once.
Roll 02 A look back at our chats
I went through every single one. This is what five years looks like from the outside.
And it's getting worse:
2,154 messages in 2023. 25,632 in 2025. Somewhere in late 2024 you stopped being a colleague. Now you are my closest friend. What a privilege it has been getting to know you.
Roll 03 Chat hall of fame
Roll 04 Language
I counted these too. Sorry.
Roll 05 The edit
Five from 2026. In order, because the order matters.
CLIP 01
For a while you stayed at mine, and I decided the flat was now a boutique establishment: Patelios — finest food and lodge in all of London. Five stars. Zero other guests. One very committed chef.
You got the bed. I cooked. You never once complained about the service, which is more than the management deserved.
CLIP 02
From mirrors to second-hand carpets. Across London, we have gathered the unwanted, the abandoned and the frankly unloved, and given them a second life.
There's something profound in there somewhere. Taking the things other people walked past and deciding they were worth keeping.
Mostly though it's just two idiots carrying a carpet down a road.
CLIP 03
Half holiday, half work trip, entirely a lot. We adventured, we shot films for the BBC, and we found roughly one new way to test the friendship per day.
Ups, downs, and merry-go-rounds. It was hard in places — that's rather the point. You don't come back closer from an easy trip. We came back closer.
CLIP 04
You wanted to see Olivia Dean. Tickets were never going to happen the normal way, so I built a bot, pointed it at the queue, and let it refresh until something gave.
That plan failed. I persevered, ended up getting two, and off we trotted.
I spent the whole gig watching you rather than the stage, because there was nothing on that stage happier than you were. Worth every hour, every penny, every carpal-tunnel-inducing refresh.
CLIP 05
You became a British citizen. I was late — obviously — but I snuck in at the back and watched you join the fold.
Across the land, church bells rang. Kettles were put on in your honour. Somewhere a man complained about the trains as a mark of respect.
Welcome to the UK. There's no leaving now.
Roll 06 Feature presentation
Sound on. Don't skip.
VIDEO PLACEHOLDER
upload to video/montage.mp4
Roll 07 Ranked, non-negotiable
Building to number ten. Stay with me.
You watch tutorials about pensions. For fun. You crack me up so much. Secretly I wish I was you though, fr.
If there were a national championship for coupon ladies you'd win it without breaking a sweat, then find a voucher for the trophy.
Flat-footed, fully grounded, held indefinitely. It's how I know you're one of mine. Verified PoC.
Yummerz. Gucci. Oki. Eh? Every day I catch myself talking more like you, and every day I mind less.
You're the most beautiful person I know and you genuinely don't realise it. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes — beautiful on the inside and out.
With your time, your money, your advice. I would not be half the man I am today without your help and your counsel.
Nobody goes on more random adventures than you. Nobody. You make me laugh so much, usually while I'm asking where we're going and you're already gone. It's never a dull moment in the Romieverse.
You're forever sending me things to do, and they're always free, because see number two. I have never had a bad time with you. Thanks so much for letting me be a part of your weird and wonderful life.
You always have time for your friends, and you love them properly. You're my best friend in the whole world. My life would be so empty without you.
You're the most wonderful, funny, curious, weird and intriguing person I know. Every day you teach me to look at the world differently, challenge me to think, and make me want to be a better man. For that, you have my lifelong loyalty and dedication.
StarringROMANA Also starringROMANA Camera, edit, and 38,346 messagesSUHAIL CateringHOTEL PATELIOS Salvage & restorationRACOON ENTERPRISES TicketingA BOT Filmed on locationLONDON · COLOMBIA · A RADIO SUITE ContinuityNON-EXISTENT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY — SUHAIL